We thought more regular readers might enjoy a post developed in the spirit of the season called Hilaria. It's the 1st Annual Executive Leadership Flashdance, or ELF for short. Here you go:
1.) MF Global Founder and former New Jersey Governor John Corzine was last seen boarding a Virgin Airlines flight into outer space. His pilot was none other than Richard Branson who finally has found an innovative way to travel beyond the upper atmosphere. Cost of Corzine's ticket was not immediately available but it's estimated to be in the $4 billion range.
2.) Bank of America Corp. or BofA last week week announced plans to form a global advisory group to explore ways to grow internationally. In a not so surprising move but not widely reported, they also have decided to change their name to the Bank of the Whole Damn World (BofWDW.) This new enterprise will take on the structure and systems of a SuperPAC and will raise money strictly in U.S. dollars.
3.) In a follow-up to their Final Four duel, Kentucky Head Coach John Calamari, sorry Blue Misters, Calipari, and Louisville Head Coach Rick Pitino will exchange jobs to demonstrate renewed collegiality in the face of deep hostility between programs.
4.) The New Orleans Saints, under the blessing of Commish Roger Goodell, a NFL life-timer, will soon name Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban to be their head coach and chief leadership evangelist. His first move will be to trade for John Parker Wilson who will back-up Drew Brees whose $500 million contract over 10 years will set new records for player salary.
5.) Straight on the heels of their historic meeting in Cuba this week, Fidel Castro and Pope Benedict have announced a joint alliance that will place Castro in a historically unconventional succession line to run the Vatican. His first order of business will be to bring back fascism while he continues to work with Benedict to rid the world of fanaticism.
6.) The relatively new CEOs of Apple and Blackberry respectively, both of whom have names that aren't memorable, Armstrong and Theins (kind of sounds like a bad steak house don't you think?) have agreed to a merger of unequals. Apple will pledge part of its $100 billion war chest to rescue Blackberry and create a new co-branded product called the AppleBerry.
7.) In a departure from normal practices, Goldman Sachs has announced an early life stage intern program to protect against the exodus of young MBA talent reacting strongly to the latest confessions by rogue vice president, Greg Smith. Their first trainee is Malia Obama, 15, fresh off her extended Spring Break in Mexico with 22 Secret Service agents and small cadre of friends and advisors. Full disclosure: Goldman Sachs was the largest institutional supporter of Malia's father's campaign in 2008.
8.) Tabling a decision on the legality of an individual health insurance mandate, The Supreme Court has announced that contrary to its regular summer schedule they will be adjourning immediately to re-open the previous case of Bush vs. Gore. Evidently a recount has been called for by the powerful legal interests of Bain Capital, which has decided to shift its support from presumptive Republican nominee Mitt Romney to backing the renewed campaign of newly hopeful Presidential candidate, Al Gore. Bain's stated desire is to have a more sustainable Earth vs. fully insured population.
9.) Carly Fiorina and Tim Hurd have been re-named as co-CEOs of HP, allowing now former CEO Meg Whitman to begin her confidential campaign to replace Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State following the re-election of President Obama, Malia's father. This move is clearly seen as a repudiation of the current strategy to consolidate HP's printing division, which was originally proposed by Fiorina and later rejected by Hurd.
10.) Backed by George Soros, Warren Buffett, Bill and Melinda Gates and Boone Pickens, Hillary and husband, Bill, have formed a global governance council that will eventually rule the ENTIRE WORLD with the United States reporting to their handpicked board of directors. Saving the planet from themselves will lead the agenda. Other initiatives will include making Puerto Rico the 51st state, taking over Cuba when Castro moves to the Vatican and saving the company, Yahoo, from further encroachment by Microsoft.
Here's hoping some more serious readers can find levity as well as instructional insights in this post marking April 1st, the day set aside for fools and their errands. See http://www.april-fools.us/history-april-fools.htm for more background.
Thanks for reading,
JG
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